The best thing about people is that we can change. Of course, this also means that our relationships are always changing too. When a friendship starts to become something more, it can be difficult to know what to do about those feelings and how to communicate them. The same is true of a relationship which has stopped being romantic and has started to become a friendship. Although there isn’t much guaranteed advice that you can rely on, there are a few things to remember that might help while your life is busy being confusing.

If you’re having strong feelings for a friend:

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay. You have a right to your emotions, and there’s no need to feel guilty about your thoughts. Remember, it’s not what you think, it’s what you do! Attraction isn’t a bad thing, and it’s fine and natural to have feelings for friends. After all, If they weren’t good people, you probably wouldn’t like them in the first place.


Friendships aren’t any less important than relationships. Nowadays, especially with the amount of records, films, TV programmes and magazines all using the lure and promise of romance in order to make money, it can be hard not to feel under pressure to be in a relationship. If anything though, friendships often last longer and can be a source of love and support long after a lover has been and gone.


A lot of the time relationships do begin as friendships. If this does happen, it can be very rewarding, as you’ll already know your partner and have a good start to exploring your feelings for each other.


It’s normal and understandable to find yourself feeling emotionally passionate and physically comfortable with a close friend, and this doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to take the relationship further either physically or romantically.


If you’re finding your feelings are changing to friendship:


Love doesn’t necessarily happen very often, and it’s ok to not be in love with a romantic partner. If you’re honest with your partner, you might find that they feel the same way too. So long as you’re happy, it might not matter that you’re not in love.


As people change, and you yourself change, so can your feelings. It’s as easy to fall out of love as it is to fall in love, and this might happen many times within one lifetime.

Relationships often come and go. It’s perfectly normal for a relationship to end, to become more like a friendship, and then even much later on become a romantic relationship again.


Within a relationship that has been romantic, or is sometimes romantic, you don’t have to prove to someone that you love them by being their partner or sleeping with them. You’re entitled to your own feelings, and deserve not to be rushed into making a commitment to someone physically or emotionally before you’re ready to.



Because many of us have grown up thinking of marriage as ‘the way’ relationships are done, it can be difficult not to feel pressured into living our lives that way.

Marriage doesn’t have to be the aim of a relationship. 




“What’s Love got to do with it?”

No leaflet about sex, relationships and sexuality would be complete without talking about love. There are different types of love – e.g. the love you feel for close friends and family, the love you have for humankind and of course romantic love.

When you fall in love with someone who feels the same way about you there is not better feeling in the world.

Love can be a very pure and amazing thing.


Is it mutual?

If you have fallen for someone it might be hard to work out if the other person likes you back, and in a sexual way, but be brave and try to work out a way to ask them or found out.

Keep it equal…

If you love someone, you want to do anything for them, but they should never ask you to do anything for them they that they wouldn’t do back for you. Love should be a two-way thing, so you will both need to be prepared to compromise and make an effort (e.g. from who chooses the film you watch tonight to who pays for the tickets). If one partner is paying for everything, they can end up feeling resentful, or that they have more right to make decisions for both of you. Although you might not have the same amounts of money to spend on each other, there are other ways of making the relationship equal, e.g. the richer partner could take you out for a meal, and you could cook them a meal at home. It’s about making an effort to show that you care about each other.

When love goes wrong…

Unfortunately there are lots of ways that love can go wrong. These include not being equally into each other, pressures of time and distance, cheating, abuse and addictions. And sometimes when things aren’t right it’s time to call it quits.

Dealing with heartbreak

1. Talk about it – to friends and family if you can, or to a counsellor or a helpline if you prefer. Talking about it can help you to deal with the emotions that you’re feeling and can help you to work out what went wrong and how to prevent the same thing happening again.
2. Do some exercise – although you might not feel like it, doing some exercise can help you release tension, can help you to feel better about your body (and self image), and can get feel good chemicals rushing round your body, which can help improve your mood.
3. Think positive – although it might feel like your world has collapsed, try to think of reasons to be happy e.g. you’ll have more time to see good friends and take part in interests you have, the freedom to make your own decisions without having to think about your ex, etc.
4. Avoid alcohol and drugs – although you might want to get really drunk or take drugs to forget about your heart-break, these are only likely to make you feel worse (especially alcohol which is a depressant), and won’t help you to cope with your feelings.
5. Time is a healer – it’s a cliché, but you really will feel better, and the situation will get better with time.

But on a happy note –

If you have found love once, the chances are that you will again, and usually when you least expect it.