The best relationships start with friendship and trust builds from there. You can go out with someone for a long time at any age and still find loads of ways to have fun and feel close without having sex. It might take you weeks, months or even years before you decide you’re ready to go further. That’s perfectly ok. Take it slowly, think about your feelings and don’t feel pressured by your partner. If they try to make you do something you’re not ready for, they’re just not right for you.

Just because you’ve met someone it doesn’t mean that sex is the most important thing to do – the best relationships start with knowing and understanding each other first. Here are some ideas on what you can do together to get to know each other better;

• Go for a bike ride
• Go to a museum, gallery – arts and culture
• Play games / board games
• Try a new activity (something out of the ordinary)
• Have a day trip,
• Quiz each other – discuss favourite places, favourite foods / colours / hobbies, who is your role model / idol & why, your ambitions, your dreams, discuss your family and friends.
• Go to a pub quiz (if you are legally old enough!)
• Go to concerts or local gigs.
• Go to the cinema, watch a film
• Go to the park, have a picnic
• Go for a meal, cook

The best thing about people is that we can change. Of course, this also means that our relationships are always changing too. When a friendship starts to become something more, it can be difficult to know what to do about those feelings and how to communicate them. The same is true of a relationship which has stopped being romantic and has started to become a friendship. Although there isn’t much guaranteed advice that you can rely on, there are a few things to remember that might help while your life is busy being confusing.

If you’re having strong feelings for a friend:

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay. You have a right to your emotions, and there’s no need to feel guilty about your thoughts. Remember, it’s not what you think, it’s what you do! Attraction isn’t a bad thing, and it’s fine and natural to have feelings for friends. After all, If they weren’t good people, you probably wouldn’t like them in the first place.


Friendships aren’t any less important than relationships. Nowadays, especially with the amount of records, films, TV programmes and magazines all using the lure and promise of romance in order to make money, it can be hard not to feel under pressure to be in a relationship. If anything though, friendships often last longer and can be a source of love and support long after a lover has been and gone.


A lot of the time relationships do begin as friendships. If this does happen, it can be very rewarding, as you’ll already know your partner and have a good start to exploring your feelings for each other.


It’s normal and understandable to find yourself feeling emotionally passionate and physically comfortable with a close friend, and this doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to take the relationship further either physically or romantically.


If you’re finding your feelings are changing to friendship:


Love doesn’t necessarily happen very often, and it’s ok to not be in love with a romantic partner. If you’re honest with your partner, you might find that they feel the same way too. So long as you’re happy, it might not matter that you’re not in love.


As people change, and you yourself change, so can your feelings. It’s as easy to fall out of love as it is to fall in love, and this might happen many times within one lifetime.

Relationships often come and go. It’s perfectly normal for a relationship to end, to become more like a friendship, and then even much later on become a romantic relationship again.


Within a relationship that has been romantic, or is sometimes romantic, you don’t have to prove to someone that you love them by being their partner or sleeping with them. You’re entitled to your own feelings, and deserve not to be rushed into making a commitment to someone physically or emotionally before you’re ready to.



Because many of us have grown up thinking of marriage as ‘the way’ relationships are done, it can be difficult not to feel pressured into living our lives that way.

Marriage doesn’t have to be the aim of a relationship. 




“What’s Love got to do with it?”

No leaflet about sex, relationships and sexuality would be complete without talking about love. There are different types of love – e.g. the love you feel for close friends and family, the love you have for humankind and of course romantic love.

When you fall in love with someone who feels the same way about you there is not better feeling in the world.

Love can be a very pure and amazing thing.


Is it mutual?

If you have fallen for someone it might be hard to work out if the other person likes you back, and in a sexual way, but be brave and try to work out a way to ask them or found out.

Keep it equal…

If you love someone, you want to do anything for them, but they should never ask you to do anything for them they that they wouldn’t do back for you. Love should be a two-way thing, so you will both need to be prepared to compromise and make an effort (e.g. from who chooses the film you watch tonight to who pays for the tickets). If one partner is paying for everything, they can end up feeling resentful, or that they have more right to make decisions for both of you. Although you might not have the same amounts of money to spend on each other, there are other ways of making the relationship equal, e.g. the richer partner could take you out for a meal, and you could cook them a meal at home. It’s about making an effort to show that you care about each other.

When love goes wrong…

Unfortunately there are lots of ways that love can go wrong. These include not being equally into each other, pressures of time and distance, cheating, abuse and addictions. And sometimes when things aren’t right it’s time to call it quits.

Dealing with heartbreak

1. Talk about it – to friends and family if you can, or to a counsellor or a helpline if you prefer. Talking about it can help you to deal with the emotions that you’re feeling and can help you to work out what went wrong and how to prevent the same thing happening again.
2. Do some exercise – although you might not feel like it, doing some exercise can help you release tension, can help you to feel better about your body (and self image), and can get feel good chemicals rushing round your body, which can help improve your mood.
3. Think positive – although it might feel like your world has collapsed, try to think of reasons to be happy e.g. you’ll have more time to see good friends and take part in interests you have, the freedom to make your own decisions without having to think about your ex, etc.
4. Avoid alcohol and drugs – although you might want to get really drunk or take drugs to forget about your heart-break, these are only likely to make you feel worse (especially alcohol which is a depressant), and won’t help you to cope with your feelings.
5. Time is a healer – it’s a cliché, but you really will feel better, and the situation will get better with time.

But on a happy note –

If you have found love once, the chances are that you will again, and usually when you least expect it.

Love yourself

Unless you love yourself, it’s hard for you to believe that anyone else will.

Self-esteem is important for a healthy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any failings and weaknesses you may have, you’ll feel confident. And when you feel confident and secure within yourself, you can enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive. For tips on building confidence see the Improving Confidence site.

If you’ve had bad experiences in the past, it’s worth working through these issues with a trusted friend or counsellor. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them for reassurance, but the stronger you are as an individual, the stronger and more equal your relationship will be.

Like your partner

Healthy relationships happen between two people who really like each other. It may be more romantic to talk about love, but it’s important to remember that love is an emotion that comes and goes.

If you genuinely like each other, enjoy being together, agree with how each other thinks and behaves, and share the same dreams in life, then loving feelings will never be too far away.

It’s important to tell your partner you like them, too. Warm words of encouragement and support build trust and respect. Add the odd compliment as well and you’ll be helping to boost their self-esteem.

Make quality time

The importance of things can be measured by the amount of time we’re willing to give them. When a couple first gets together, they instinctively prioritise their relationship. But as time goes by and life gets busier with work and children, time together often slips down the list of priorities.

If you don’t spend regular quality time together, chances are you’ll drift apart. Making such time for each other may mean sacrificing other activities, but remember it’s an investment in your future happiness.

Communicate

Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship. It’s the only way you can tell your partner who you are, what you want and why you behave the way you do. Talking is the way we let each other into our private worlds.

Communicating better is about learning to say openly and honestly exactly what you think and feel. It also means listening to your partner without judgement. For more see Talk and listen.

Argue well

It’s important to accept that arguments are a normal part of a relationship. We’re all unique and so we’re bound to have our differences.

Couples who argue well don’t have to worry about not always agreeing. A good argument is an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen your bond by reaching a decision you’re both happy with. It can be an experience that leaves you both feeling more confident about your relationship and brings you closer together.

Accept change

People change over the years and it’s these changes that can keep a relationship alive. Life changes too – and not always in ways that we want.

Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be painful. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life. It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe.
In successful relationships, couples learn to adapt and change together. They accept that change is an a normal part of human life and support each other, for better and for worse.

Keeping all six principles going isn’t easy, but the more you can manage on a regular basis, the stronger your relationships will be.

No matter what anyone says, doing it for the first time – or doing it for the first time with a new partner is a big thing.

So you need to think about it very carefully. Try this quiz to figure out how you feel:

• Do you really feel ready to have sex? Yes / No
• Have you thought about what could happen? Yes / No
• Are you having sex just because you think everyone else is doing it and you don’t want to be left behind? Yes / No
• Are you having sex just because you think your partner wants / expects you to? Yes / No

Happy and successful relationships are based on understanding – of yourself, your partner and how you relate.

Bear in mind that there are safety issues that you should look out for especially as a lot of sites may be very sex orientated.

Here are some handy tips to help keep you safe:

• Don’t give out personal information, until you know the person better. Keep to your first name and if you want to talk on the phone, don’t give a landline number. You could even use SKYPE, this allows you to talk over the computer without needing to give out telephone numbers. You could also use free email addresses such as hotmail or yahoo, but make sure you only put your first name in the email address or address bar.

• Be vigilant, even if your having been talking a long time the person on the other side may not always be telling the truth – trust your gut instinct – if you think someone is avoiding certain questions or often leaves the conversation really quickly, these may be signs that they are hiding things from you (e.g. a partner).
• If the person you’re talking to, confesses their undying love to you after the first few or a few online conversations then be very way, although you can get a sense of what the person is like you’re talking to, can you really love someone without meeting them?If you chose to meet then ask for a recent photo, this will give you an idea who to look out for and if when you meet them they look rather different then it is obvious they may not have been fully truthful along the way, feel free to cut your meeting short.

• When you meet, always do so in a public area, maybe in a coffee shop where there is help around if needed, you could even suggest bringing friends along to make you both safer. 
• ALWAYS tell a friend/family member where you are going, what time and some information about that person, you could even arrange for them to ring you 30 minutes into the meeting and have a code word that means something’s wrong.

• Long distance relationships are hard so try and meet with people more local to you but your address keep it vague, use the city you live in instead of the area.

Remember, whoever you talk to online may not be who they say they are, so be careful.

RASASC is committed to supporting people who have been affected by rape or sexual abuse. It does not matter how long ago it occurred or what happened – we are here to help.

We listen to and support women, men and young people (over the age of 10) who have been raped, assaulted, sexually abused as children, sexually harassed at work or have experienced any other form of sexual violence. It may be you that experienced the abuse or you could be a friend or relative of someone you know who has gone through it – either way we are here to support you.

We have a offices in Halton and St Helens as well as offering outreach support in locations across Cheshire and Merseyside.

RASASC’s services include:

• Counselling and therapeutic work
• Counselling for women affected by rape or sexual abuse
• Counselling for men affected by rape or sexual abuse
• A specialist Young Person’s Counselling Service
• Counselling for non-abusing family members
• Workshops and group work for various groups of people
• Independent Sexual Violence Advisor (ISVA) work:
• Information and advocacy throughout the criminal justice system
• Support for people wishing to be accompanied to clinics, court and the police station
• Support to apply for Criminal Injuries compensation
• Information and advice about health needs and options
• Information about pregnancy testing, abortion and sexually transmitted diseases.
• Support to attend related appointments
• Emotional support

RASASC can be contacted by phone on 01925 221546 or via email at support@rapecentre.org

For further information please visit our site: www.rapecentre.org